martin.
so... i've been catfishing him for multiple days. it's wednesday night as i write this. the date is on thursday.
it all started when he matched with me two weeks ago, sunday, on hinge. martin. i was so excited as he lived close to me, in scarborough, and i went back home to scarborough to visit my family. and i told him i was in town visiting my family for 2 weeks while i resided in montreal. i told him about my mental health, how it wasn't doing so great while in quebec and came home to see family and friends. martin and i talked everyday for 2 days, until came tuesday. we had a lot in common, too. we both played apex, league, liked e-sports, liked kpop (me more than him, but he still enjoyed it), we're both very similar texters (banters, not overly nice, not overly boring, still sweet and flirty) and went back and forth all day. it was amazing. his hinge profile stated he liked going on spontaneous dates, so that's what i asked him on tuesday, if he'd like to meet me at the park to see the sunset together. mind you, our official date was on wednesday (but he never proposed a time or restaurant, i had to do that part, and i wasn't happy doing that part as the girl but i sucked it up). he agreed, and showed up at 8pm. he proceeded to talk about himself for 45 minutes, and never asked a single question about me. about irene. he said halfway through he was going to see his friend at t&t, so i was even more bummed our hangout didn't seem like a priority to him. it just wasn't a good first impression. i didn't even want him driving me home after. the same night, i actually communicated to him how i wasn't sure if he was interested in me after we met at the park, since he didn't really ask me any questions. while apologetic, this wouldn't be the last time i'd notice this kind of behavior. i did reassure him that we still had tomorrow's date & many other chances to get it right. he ended that night by inviting me on discord to watch avatar with him. we watched 2-3 episodes. the next day was wednesday, date day. he only texted me at 1pm to 2pm, his lunch break, since he went into office that day (hybrid). after 2pm, i still had no confirmation of the time of our date, i wasn't sure if it was still happening, and it was honestly odd for him to be a bit radio silent. he got home at 6pm and texted me rather sporadically, inquiring if i still wanted to go on the date tonight and he proposed 7pm, then 5 minutes later said 7:10pm, then again changed it to 7:25pm because he had to go out and do something. i finally let him know the restaurant closed at 8pm, which he proceeded to ask me, “what else is there?” and i told him “i'll let you plan it.” and he said we should just do this another time. i told him sure, but “ngl if you want this to work out you have to be better at scheduling things, this isn't really cool” to which he said “i know im sorry things got dumped on me” and for all i knew, he couldve been making an excuse. the entire day seemed dodgey to me already, but granted we watched avatar the previous night and ended off on a good note, i gave him the benefit of the doubt. i was still interested. i also told him, though, “you were also radio silent until 6pm and then cancelled” to which he said “i was working? at office” and became defensive. i guess i can see why. but in my perspective, i wasn't trying to be rude, i just wanted to communicate my feelings to him. the last thing i said to him was “if you're still interested, i'll let you plan something” to which he said “oki sounds good :)” and i said “okay then”. i never heard from him again. on friday, i texted him saying “hey martin, just wanted to check up on you. you said you had things dumped on you, just wanted to make sure you're okay.” and he never responded. i was officially ghosted as irene.
that same night, i had a fake instagram account named vivian, essentially a catfish with a name and profile picture different than my own identity. he had a private instagram, and i requested to follow him. why? impulsivity, helplessness, curiosity if he'd respond. and he did. he accepted my follow request without hesitation and followed me back. the beginning of our dms were essentially:
- me: “heyyy”
- him: “hi whats up!”
- me: “what are you doing up so late?”
- him: “i'm just driving back from kitchener”
- me: “no way i used to go to school there! laurier!” (i never went to laurier, but for the sake of catfishing, that is what i told him)
the rest of the convo was me complimenting him, saying he's handsome, saying he has a big heart, saying he's cute, etc. literally just full on compliments because i knew from previous experiences that *martin was a narcissist. while not intentional, he thrived when the conversation focused on him and did not seek to ask other people questions unless prompted to. i hated that about him, and used it to my advantage. eventually the conversation came to a point where i mentioned how he must get sooo many dates & asked for date stories, trying to see if he'd talk about our park date. he talked about 4-5 different dates, and i had to keep prompting him saying things like “ohh whats your craziest date”, “had any dates the past week?” “okay what about last week?” it wasn't until the last question where he finally, after the 4th date story, told me “oh yeah there was this one girl i went to the park with on tuesday but she was kinda whacko”. yep, he called me the whacko chick. chick #5, or whacko, both interchangeable terms. he proceeded to tell vivian that i was rude, insulted him without knowing him, kept trying to force dates just because we lived close, and said my mental health was a major red flag, judged me for moving to quebec then coming home to visit family, making fun of me because i moved to montreal without knowing french, claimed i couldve just lived on my own in ontario (the worst housing crisis province in canada). he said all these things behind my back, and i decided i wanted revenge.
i had a series of shitty events leading up to everything with martin. martin just happened to be the straw on my camels back, and man did i snap. the night martin revealed all the shit he spoke about irene, i told all my friends this: i'm going to make him fall in love with me & go on a date with me. and that's what i did, up until tonight. for the first 3-4 days, i spent each day complimenting him, actually, i believe the term is “love bombing” him. i praised his heart, his looks, his personality, everything you could think of, and he was so flattered every single time i did this. based on my convos with him from irene, i also knew he got cheated on, had a cat with the same ex, and had childhood issues. i told him the same story on behalf of vivian, that i also got cheated on, cat divorce, and had a hard childhood to make him feel a sense of familiarity and comfort in another person “who gets it”. i also encouraged him to open up about his childhood and ex situation, making him feel safe around me, someone that only praised him for every single situation he explained to me. i know based on psychology 101 that on his end, he would feel a sense of closeness to me due to the constant texting + opening up about his personal life to me, whereas when i was vivian, i didn't feel the same sense of closeness. i didn't tell him about my life, my childhood, my personal problems, my ex, he didn't know (or care) to ask me any of it. we planned to have a date on tuesday, and i told myself i would end everything here. it's gotten a bit far at this point. martin's messaging me good morning every day at 8:20am, he's constantly saying things like “i can't wait to hug you” “you're so cute” “you're my dream girl” “you're so cute” “babe” “my princess”. and to be honest, irene wasn't ever supposed to care. but i did end up caring. i liked the attention, and eventually began to see him as a human being – not just martin, the jerk narcissist that shit talked the real me to my catfish. the plan was to always have him go on the date with me, then when he would text me “i'm here” i would block him. except by then, i felt bad, and almost like i had a connection with him. but deep down, i knew i didn't. because vivian isn't real. because even if she was, he never asked her (my) age, background, interest, or anything about me. our convos, even as vivian, were all about him. but he really began to like & trust vivian, and my own moral compass began to stir up conflictive thoughts in my head, making this a much more nuanced situation than i anticipated. i'm writing to ask what i should do for advice. our date is re-scheduled to thursday, and i have two thoughts.
i should meet him in person before the date, where he will be surprised (and most likely unhappy) to see my face, and explain the whole situation to him while being sorry. he will not be happy, and feel betrayed, and could potentially make me emotional and cry in public.
i should stick to the plan and stand him up. i plan to block him immediately so we can move on.
it seems like either option will end with him being extremely angry, and i know i took this too far. i got in way deeper than i expected. while #1 sounded good in my head, i know it could also be far more damaging than simply not showing up. i don't know what i should do. i don't know what to think.
this is my story. the story of martin and what happened that night.