xdy a love letter of sorts
7 months later and i'm still thinking about you-no, crying about you, at 3:50am. fuck. we haven't spoken in over 7 months and i'm still torn up over you. i've been on probably ~6 or so dates since we've last seen each other. of those 6, i've dated 2, and each time they've ended – i've always thought about you. thought back to you. about the laughs we shared, the effort you put into our dates, and how we ended just as soon as we started. i liked you so, SO fucking much. it hurts my heart how much i liked you, and saw something so real with you. our first date was the most magical first date i've ever had. sitting in yokato yokabai together, being shocked at how cute you were. sitting by the table, laughing together, flirting by calling you handsome, talking about everything & anything to league, our exes, and your student-run clubs. you have no idea how excited i was for our second date. suddenly, all of the matches i had on hinge didn't matter because i had met you. we watched the sunset together and then saw the fireworks together on our second date, freezing our (my) asses off. i liked you so. fucking. much. i found myself so excited to text someone again. to explore the unknowns of this earth was something i wanted to do with you by my side. everything shattered the moment you looked me in the eyes on our 3rd date, mid makeout sesh, and declared you wanted a family one day. it fucking shattered me. this was something i thought i made clear on the first date i couldn't give you. i wanted to settle down with you, live with you, have cats with you, and travel the world together. i wanted it to work out so bad, but i wasn't strong enough to give you what you wanted – kids. i still think about you so hard, i wonder almost everyday if you also think about me. if our time together ever meant anything to you. if you truly meant it when you told me you really liked me. because i really, really like you. i still do. it fucking kills me. i can't stop crying. you feel like the fucking loss of my life. i hope we talk again one day, genuinely.