A Very Windy Day
Today my teammate had a seizure in class with students there
I’m oddly good at spotting people having seizures. This is
At least the 3rd one I’ve called. One time, a student tricked
Me, and faked a seizure, and we sent her off in an ambulance
Better safe than sorry, and I wasn’t mad at her like everyone else.
My teammate today, she has a seizure disorder and life full of pain
She has PTSD, and a host of physical situations, and personal situations
I couldn’t tell at first if she was having a panic attack or seizing.
Last year when the Russian boy seized, I called it, and everyone came
to our room. Too many people, all three nurses working the shift, because
Everyone liked that kid. But today, only one nurse came, and not quickly.
I was a little panicked. I said, Should I call 911, and a student yelled YES!
SO I did. But I didn’t hear anyone answer at 911, so I returned to helping
My teammate. I thought, let me show the kids how to care for someone
and prioritize their health. My other teammates thought she was begging
for more attention, because she always wants to confide about her feelings
Fears and pain. I’m mostly attentive, because I like “easy” confidence connections
Possible when people have low boundaries, those are my “people.”
But in the past, I told this teammate, “I can’t talk right now— I have to prepare
for the Day.” And she started verbally aggressing me about it, using hostile
Jokes, and probing for me to apologize. She said she felt I ATTACKED HER.
BECAUSE I SAID TO AN ADULT, Can you please tell me the story/issue later?
She’s not a rational person, and is also insecurity to paranoia.
She always thinks she’s going to be fired.
Today, my bosses came, and they were mad/annoyed that the police had
Arrived, because I called 911. The first boss came and said, they had
contacted the school, and was everything ok? She had explained it
was “just a staff medical issue,” and sent them away. Then my other,
more direct boss came and said, YOU GO TALK TO THE POLICE! THEY’RE HERE!
And I had ALREADY gotten in trouble earlier about including an outside-
service provider (physical therapist) on an email that including dirty
company laundry, telling a story about a kid I was advocating for, and
Never thought: wait, how might this get our school in trouble? What
if the other person childlines claiming neglect, etc.? So she had begged
me (nice about it, at least) to run all emails by her before sending them
When issues arise, as they will. Because I don’t think in HR, PR mode.
So I said I was sorry and agreed to it and went back to my class,
Feeling a little dazed, because *getting in trouble, for ANYTHING is
Triggering as hell. It’s hard to accept. I’m good at it now, but I wasn’t before.
I had to have things go wrong in so many ways among trying to
work as a team and with supervisors, bosses, leaders, teachers
So many communication that took a nose dive, crunched into asphalt
Like the accordian car in the 4-car collision I saw Thursday on 79 south.
This title cannot be reconstructed, the conversation/collaboration is
Kaput beyond repair. Too much triggering communication. I got un
Professional. And so “staying professional” is a high goal for me.
And I’ve been doing great. Yesterday a coworker came and YELLED
at me and my entire class, while being MISTAKEN about the issue,
And talked OVER ME, and God Bless Hamas, I didn’t even blink.
That’s my a teammate told me, it was amazing how I didn’t react
To obvious disrespect by a peer. I made space for her rant, and
even let her yell at my student. But I complained later, and THAT’S
the email that landed me in HR. For including the outside agency on
The email… The damn emails. Things sound great till they’re received.
I thought I had checked off something on my to-do list when I sent it.
So back to the seizure. I was already distracted by the triggering sit down with my boss, then I see my teammate having a seizure, and barely anyone in the
building responds to it. My boss comes, yells at me to go talk to the police
Who have already been sent away. And I helped my teammate try to contact
her Family to come pick her up. I felt so bad for her :(. She’s too sick to work
But she needs the money :(. That’s so fucked up.
Nobody could come get her, but I had to leave her side to return
to my class, where they were still scared, saying Ms. Alice is a nice
Lady, is she going to die? Is she okay? We said she’s fine. Then
on her own, she came BACK TO THE ROOM. To “sit.”
Bro, I was ready to be done with the day at that moment (9:30 AM).
Instead, we pushed through it, and had a decent day with most
of the class, enjoying our break from student C, who’s behaviors
Are so distracting, and attention requiring, that it disrupts everything
We love when he lays down and takes a nap. And if you observed our
Group for a few hours, you’d see why, and not worry about his “education.”
Eventually Alice’s husband or daughter came to pick her up.
There’s a student at our school who I do truly think
Would be better off dead. He’s just so miserable, hateful, racist,
He just wanders around with red eyes (not allergies, just misery)
Throwing paper airplanes. And he targets black staff, and uses
The most vile racial threats and insults to try to get them to
Hurt him. Sometimes he screams for them to fight or restrain him.
When baseline, he instigates conflicts among peers, at expert level
He brings out the worst in them, and he loves it. This teenage boy
Almost 18, is fully broken. He’s probably going to shoot up a black
Church if he can, if he ever gets “out” of the system. I can’t
Lost my clearances, I’m a teacher not a vigilante, but I see things
And I think things. If anyone should be culled, it’s these
Type of white boys with uncontainable, racialized rage.
I told my coworker, if only the cameras would go off for
A few minutes, she agreed, feeling that, but not a real wish, just
“If we could really make the world better right now” type of feeling
Also, no one should have to work with him, like that, he’s not trying
He obviously wants to die. But maybe a couple ass whoopings
Would really help. I usually don’t think so. But I think this type of
Boy only listens to masculine, physical military discipline
Has has no innate conscience or sense of connection with anyone
I’ve seen him smile on the basketball court, during better weather
But smiling once and awhile doesn’t mean they wouldn’t or won’t
kill everyone and not cry later about it. Never cry about it.