Tardis

First, I don't take lightly to a website breaking forcing me to force reload it. Secondly, I know I am a terrible blogger, and I won't even call myself that. Thirdly, I am supposed to work, but staying online also counts as working, right? Well, all of that coupled with the random inspiration to write, the random inspiration to experiment, and probably the random inspiration to absolutely move this blog to something that's not this website. While I absolutely love the effort into it, too many inaccessible links, headings, buttons... You get it. But, since it is open-source, free, and easy to setup, I wasn't complaining. Until I found a better solution.

The solution still does not mean I will be hosting my own site. Far from it. I am stingy, and paying for websites is like paying for subscriptions. IF it were not Apple, I would have long lost my iCloud subscription. I just have the money, so every month that gets paid. But stuff like Netflix, sometimes does not pay itself. Yeah, that makes me bad at subscriptions, payments, and whatever else you think that goes into that category.

Moving blogs

While I generally do not care about the status of the Apple Bulgarian blog, which generally nobody has complained about, I would rather have a personal one somewhere else. Now, do I think this personal blog is total horribleness that should not be on the internet? Sure. Do I care enough to remove it? No. But I care enough to move it to somewhere that is better designed, and somewhere where categories are a thing. That way, Apple gets a blog, past personal stuff gets blog, and after all, present and future personal stuff also gets a blog. Oh and, stories get published too, because quite honestly, I have been discouraged from writing any stories do to not having anywhere to publish them just as a story without worrying for covers, art, formatting so much, etc. So, yes, I will be moving this, to tiiny host, hopefully. That way, I can have categories, menu, proper contact and about me page, because this, right here, is not what I signed up for to be fair, even if the blog was an initial experiment to see if I would want to write and continue writing. And since I found a lot of use, and want to write again, it'll be moving.

The reason of not posting

Well, if you did not find the reason for not posting, it has been hinted somewhere above, but I will reveal it anyway. It is very simple. It is called, starting a job. So, as with any new job, adapting needs to happen. Needless to say I am probably a pain to deal with, a lot of the time, but I try my best. There is honestly a lot of stuff I could be writing about, but I think stopping here would be very appropriate. Since moving needs to happen at some point, right? So the less posts I have, honestly, the easier to move it will be. I believe setup is more painful tan just selecting a bunch of markdown syntax with text and copying it, but me is me, and my logic is strange. So, thank you for reading and sticking to the end. Lots love. :)

Follow me on mastodon at https://tardis.pw/@tardis/ Thank you, have a little multicoloured heart and a smile! :)

Alright, since I have not posted in a long while. In life, there is currently nothing interesting. Dealing with a few family situations, but this is about it. I also got a few sound triggers and I will be writing on about that, just to raise awareness. I might publish a story or two as well.

Whats the plan?

Well, if you ever wonder what the plan is, here are a few things that might or in the future, will be outlines – either, before, or after all my finals this year. These things are important to me, so I will be writing about them. — Misophonia — Why are students doing this, how dare they, the teachers, catch us? these are two posts I will try to concentrate on, and make as good as possible, in order to be represented on the internet, and here in general, in a good light. Not good light as in, information, but good light as in looks, references, etc. These are the main things I will be focusing on about, as well as a few posts that got to be continuation to my self journey post, or discovery. This, however, is going to be a very slow process, since as I have mentioned multiple times, I am still studying, and I will, hopefully, continue to study on further.

Thank you!

If you have reached the end of this little microblog-like blog, please consider sharing, or subscribing, or even following. You get a beautiful multicoloured heart from me as well, and a hug. :)

Follow me on mastodon at https://tardis.pw/@tardis/ Thank you, have a little multicoloured heart and a smile! :)

Since I decided to lead you all into a bit of background, I thought posting on how I discovered being plural. The next few posts will contain a continuation of the journey and steps I have decided to take on for a better life.

The beginning

It, unfortunately, is not the beginning to the end as the famous Doctor Who episode by Big Finish, but it is a beginning to something, alright? It was about 2017 when I discovered I was a little bit different from my friends. Considering that none of them really tried playing an RPG-like game to battle depression, or had self talks with not only a monologue, but whole dialogues about choices, life and other such things. Now, I'm aware that disorders do not unlock at the same time for all, but I was neither a child, nor a fully grown up adult. So it started that way, but three or so years later, I had a some what tragic story in life, which unlocked everything else. I have had blackouts in the past – basically blackout, but not in the term of feinting, more in the sense of a memory blackout where things I did not do surfaced up. Did I not do them, or did I do them and not remembered? It was the latter, it turned out, and I decided, in the pandemic period to pay more attention to myself.

What did I see in myself?

What I saw in myself were, as I mentioned above, the memory blackouts, or amnesia, if you wish to call it so. I had, and still partly have an identity crises on who exactly am I. That, as you might probably be thinking now, turned out to be a downfall, quite much, in fact. Depression, anxiety, you name it. And then probably the questions of how I came to such conclusions will arise, and here I must repeat that these were careful self observations through the pandemic – how I behaved, with self and people, with family, friends, etc. I'm quite sure we all put on a little bit of a different face depending on who we meet. But I must say, that doing so is going to inevitably lead us to a little bit, or more of a doom. And why do I use such a word? Because masks and faces slip off, they crack, and they break, and it is only a matter of time before the real you shows up. Of course, I have other things to say about the real you or me, for that matter, but those shall be discussed in a different post along this path.

Discovery and results

So, as I said, observations and more so. They lead to the conclusion that not only was I different, but I was never diagnosed for ADHD – a condition quite hard to explain, full of impulsiveness, hyperactivity, focus on things, extremely. And I doubt I will be the only one who says this, but distracting someone and getting them out of their hyperfocus situation is probably going to illicit a quite internally, and sometimes possibly externally angry individual. So, with that strange discovery, I did eventually ask why I was not diagnosed. Simple answer, people don't care enough, or I would have to be on a plan of education that would have potentially destroyed my future of university or work, etc. I got officially diagnosed with Misophonia, though, so that was something I was both satisfied and unsatisfied with, although I have learned to deal with its symptoms to a greater degree. Plurality, or what caused it, however, was not diagnosed, so when I tried presenting to psychologist here, I was greatly dismissed, and they said they understand, but there is no treatment they could help with. Great times, right? I thought so, until I decided that I will rather self deal with what I got than to rely on a few centuries old system, stigmas, labels and all these cultural things which label you as not okay and make people stay away from you. In short, this is how it all happened. And I shall speak in detail more about all things I mentioned, hopefully, in a next post. Until then, if you have reached the end of this one, you get a heart from me, a smile and a huge thank you for sticking with me.

Follow me on mastodon at https://tardis.pw/@tardis/ Thank you, have a little multicoloured heart and a smile! :)