crossing boundaries
i guess we both crossed each other's boundaries, huh? for starters, i asked you to communicate when you disappear. that is something you've still failed to do, even to this day. you felt disrespected because you assumed i wanted you to disclose your grandma's death to me. i didn't. i don't. i never asked for that.
what i wanted was for you to give me a heads up when you begin to disappear for days on end. why do you think that is? because after valentine's day, i got ghosted for 5 days for something that wasn't even my fault. do you know that it still feels like you don't actually care that you did that to me? about how you don't care about how much traumatization you put me through with all of that? i put my fucking all into our friendship. i give you SO much of me. so much love, attention, care, patience, understanding, fuck. i give you everything. it still doesn't feel like enough for you. enough for you to finally treat me the way i deserve. am i not good enough for that? do you know how excruciating pain is of losing my person over something that wasn't my fault still haunts me, you know? my friends constantly laugh at me for wishing for the bare minimum, but i really wish i got a more heartfelt apology from you.
i crossed your boundary by making you feel like you had to disclose your grandma's death to me.
you crossed MY boundary when you brought up the pills. i mean, tell me you don't care without actually saying you don't care much? do you know that pill shit happened because you failed to respect me as a person?? assumed the worst of me? failed to communicate? you claimed that day happened because deleting = not caring about the friendship. what the fuck about you then? clearly it may just be YOU that doesn't care if you're so quick to jump to conclusions and drop the friendship.
I FUCKING LOVE YOU. i still can't believe that day happened. i'm STILL in disbelief you could've ever thought so low of me. i don't know what the fuck to do, or how the fuck to show you, just how much i love you. when the going gets tough, you run. and i stay. i stay where i am, waiting for you to come back so that we can resume our journey together.
what do i do at this point? all we do is fight. all i do is cry. all you do is avoid. it hurts so much. please stop making it hurt please. please. it hurts.