My EOLdiary isn't about a band

The part about dying that I'm learning is the hardest part is sitting or lying around, sick and not feeling well, waiting for the fucking Reaper.

Well, another new year and another digit to my age. I was born on New Year's Eve the day before 1960 began. I'm 64 now. I really didn't think I'd make it this far.

Over 30 years ago I was told by a doctor that I'd be dead within 6 months. Needless to say, I've disregarded premonitions by people in white coats almost completely ever since. I've been with the same doctor now for 20+ years. He's really more a friend with a prescription pad.

But, alas, I do believe that this is my last birthday. And I'm perfectly fine with that. I just want to go fast. I've watched too much family languish for months and years before they left us. I don't want that.

And I want to die at home just like two generations in this home before me were not allowed to do. So, I owe it to my grandpa and my mother to do for them what they wanted but weren't allowed to.

It's this Marine's final deployment to do for my ancestors that which they wanted most but were denied. So, this is the most important deployment and duty I have ever had assigned. And I intend to make it right for my ancestors.

Wish me luck 🤞. But I'm not going anywhere today, I don't think. There's still 6 hours left of the day. So, anything could happen.

But if you don't understand my mindset or are uncomfortable with the way I casually discuss death, don't worry. I'm not planning anything. I'm just thinking out loud.

All is well.

When an Honorably Discharged United States Marine says they've lost all confidence in one of Americas oldest institutions, a wise person would take note. I'll never trust the USPS with anything again, regardless how short a time that may be. The death of the postal service is the death knell of your precious democratic republic.

It's not happening fast enough to suit me.

I think I feel such despair over the apathy of humanity in general that it's changing something inside me.

Yes, I'm pretty quick with an honest “Fuck you”. But, to be fair, the recipient almost always deserves it. It is usually in response to unsolicited feedback about what I should or shouldn't do.

I keep seeing commercials about the movie, “The Purge”, and am reminded how much social decay has occurred over the past half century. I'm reminded of how the characters all seem like the average American.

The answer to societies ills lies not in whole sale slaughter. But that's the attitude of, dare I conjecture, more than half of the world population... except when it comes to the to them and their little pack of fascist in training rug rats that they created.

I quit ALL news and social media because I read a story about genocide and share it with my own simple comment that basically said, “fuck them”. I was almost immediately attacked.

After I got done puking, I closed my last mastodon account.

Remington Raiders hiding behind a screen and keyboard are the bravest mutherfuckers on the planet. However, they're spineless weasels.

I was am a Marine who's worked in G2 (that's intelligence for those who don't know) at headquarters of the Atlantic fleet rather than some field analyst. I had access to all our little secrets past and future at my fingertips. So, why would I give a fuck what some quivering basement bastard thinks about war?

So, to all those who cheer when the carefully picked scapegoat victims of the week get a bomb or 50 get schools and hospitals targeted, I say “fuck you”. When you get shot, bombed, or gassed you might have something to say worth hearing.

Fuck! I'll be happy to die ASAP just to be away from the ignorance that has engulfed humanity. Hell, that doesn't even sound right. I can't really call the purgers I encounter as humanity.

Stop worshipping War Pigs and embrace humanity. We're here FOR each other, not to kill each other! We're the only species on the planet that kills for sport. And I'm fucking serious: fuck all of mankind!