Ultra buddhist humour
Never discuss anything you understand. Clothes ... don't forget the clothes! Forget clothes, the more the better. Walk slowly as if permeated with some weighty liquid. Walk fast but not in any direction that can be discerned. If you're a lay person, yearn for ordination. If you're an ordained person, yearn for laicization. Start your own sect. Throw yourself out. Chant softly but audibly in public rest rooms. aaaaahhhhh mmmmmm . . .
If you visit a temple or monastery, make sure to bring home some small tourist treasure to indicate you visited. Hang it prominently, but with humble discretion, in your living room...next to all those books, perhaps.
Donate your books and ornaments to charity. Offer a small, carefully-crafted smile when someone tells you a first-class joke. If someone asks you if you are a Buddhist, consider the question in a dour and somewhat quizzical silence. Deny you are a Buddhist. Yep did that recently when asked outright. Bad crustacean. Treat all beings with equanimity and kindness ... right up until the moment when you can't stand it any more and simply kick the cat. Repent as necessary. Get an invisible cat. mine is called Bast. Train it to kick you. And if all of this strikes you as utterly ludicrous, find a Buddhist practice, practice it and never mind who's a Buddhist and who's not. http://www.katinkahesselink.net/sufi/sufi-jok.html