androsomnos

Disclaimer: this is based solely on mine and my peers' experiences. Your silly data doesn't care about the realities of many people because these aren't statistics.

The word “child” is used to denote one's offspring and is not equal to “minor” here.

Like many other forms of bigotry and oppression, parental abuse comes as a norm to many around the world, some even promoting it as a great form of raising a child.

Wait, what?

Yes — parental abuse is oppression, no matter how you try to twist it. It is so engrained in many's minds as “just abuse” that whenever one speaks of it as oppression, they get weird looks and lashouts.

The dynamic of parent-child is really not that different from ye olde privileged/ruling class-the commoners/marginalized class. Yes, this applies to adult children too, as said oppression doesn't really stem from one's age (but is related to); but rather from the sense of ownership of another human being.

Forms of Parental Oppression

The deeply-rooted parental oppression's examples can be seen in the most common example: “I have a child” – insinuating that children are a property to be owned and not sentient beings with own feelings and thoughts.

This line of thought carries in many cases, one of them being parents disallowing their (often adult) children to do something as basic as getting higher education or marrying their loved one. Ever heard something in the lines of “this is my child and I decide what will they do”? That's one of the common examples.

Dehumanization, pressuring, stripping children off their autonomy is even praised in some countries. Tiger parenting, popular in East Asian countries, is one of these praised forms of parental oppression. Abusing your children in several, equally disgusting ways into so-called “academic success” and treating them as utter garbage is actually praised in many Asian households and seen as a good way to raise a child.

But this phenomenon isn't exclusive to East Asia. In every region you can find such a form of abuse. Let's not forget the “more common” examples such as starvation, neglect, physical abuse and so on — they all are part of the oppression.

The Silent Victims – Disabled Children

Disabled children, hikikomori/NEETs (as those two are often intertwined); they are often left out of the discourse with regards to parental oppression. Nobody is usually willing to speak for these groups, because most of them are adults. And adults surely magically gain the powers to escape their horrors, right?

Parents unwilling to accomodate to their children's disabilities — self-diagnosed or professionally diagnosed; are still abusers. Parents denying health support to their children, be it visiting a doctor, self-help groups or even denying the very existence and importance of mental health; still abusers.

From my own experience; my mother would never try to understand why am I so slow, why do I need to be told exactly what to do, why am I “lazy” — she never tried to look into it but instead preferred to call me a lazy bum who does nothing all day.

One of the most horrifying case of parental oppression of a disabled child is definitely Lacey Fletcher, who has been left to rot on a sofa for 12 years in her own feces, with no help from her parents. Some people even defended the parents that they have been good people who could do no harm and they “loved her”. If they did love her, she wouldn't rot. This is abuse.

Is this a class struggle?

It's hard to say. This oppression may end at the moment one has the resources to move out, or when one's parents die.

But the effects of said oppression will last forever. Trauma, injuries from physical abuse, many other ways of harm will last with the child. Doesn't matter when the oppression started.

But it ties to the classic class struggle — parents being the privileged class with power often have more money, more freedom and more connections with others that they can utilize to abuse and isolate their children. One of the closest and most innocent resources being the child's love.

Everyone is complicit in this form of oppression; parents, relatives, the state, various institutions who turn a blind eye to said oppression and value a parent over a child.

First, I want to start out with a few things: Pointing out transandrophobia is not transmisogynist.

This particular post is not about the long-wretching transmisogyny roaming around on Fediverse and you shouldn't go harassing me for not speaking about it.

If your only takeaway from that is “oh you must hate trans women” or that I'm trying to dogpile on anyone, learn how to read and come back.

This post is not your free pass to be shitty to trans women either. Baeddel is not a slur and is not used as one, but that will be explained later.

Also, if you expect screenshots and piles of “evidence”, GTFO. This is not a callout post on specific people.

In latest weeks (at the time of writing this) I have noticed a surge in transandrophobic rhetoric being spewn around. While one might argue that it can be because of the Tumblr exodus, they are damn wrong; transandrophobia is not new to Fediverse.

So what was the first known incident?

Let's go back to late 2022 — the big Twitter wave has slowed down and all started going well in the Fediverse; multiple queer people with the skills and money created instances, some of them existing to this very day. Trans men of fediverse weren't that different. Two of them set up an instance under the (obviously) non-defunct domain social.transmas.cyou. The Akkoma server was barely even getting on its legs, and the admins were already smacked by a self-proclaimed baeddel (we will get to that word soon); one person making several accounts on several instances, throwing straight up heinous shit at the admins, and even pedojacketing one of them. The staff eventually dissolved the community in a matter of weeks, and rumors say they are nowhere to be found on Fediverse.

But one can say that it can be just a boogeyman, right? There is no proof whatsoever besides hearsay, the instance is long gone, admins nowhere to be found, nor the troll account; all evidence is gone. But not all hearsay is false hearsay. Sometimes oral memoirs are the only evidence when everything else has been erased. You don't want to believe me? Fine.

You say “baeddel” all the time — what the fuck is that?

note: if you want a truly in-depth dive into the origins of the movement, read this – my paragraph is solely to TLDR the entire issue

Baeddelism... In ye olde Tumblr days, there was this clique of trans women who called themselves “baeddels” — based on the somewhat questionable etymology of the word “bad”, they have build what I would basically call a fork of TERF ideology. Their main ideas consisted of:

• transmisogyny is the core of all oppression, all oppression stems from transmisogyny specifically (does that ring you a bell?)
• your CASAB (coercively assigned sex at birth) determines the oppression you experience (or its lack); that is CAFAB people are evil and oppressive, while CAMAB people were the victims, as they were the only one experiencing transmisogyny

Does that sound familiar? LOUD CORRECT BUZZER! It's bioessentialism and radfem garbage all over again! Baeddel movement is nothing but forking radical feminism and making it work within the transgender framework; the legacy of the original tumblr clique (that did groom several young trans women into these beliefs, much like cis radfems groom young cis women into TERF ideology) can be seen is something as common as the TME/TMA descriptors, which neatly fills the first pillar of baeddel ideology.

You may now say how does a Tumblr clique affect those who probably never were there or anything?

Word of mouth. Baeddelism was huge in early 2010s on Tumblr. They kept grooming younger trans women into this idea, more trans women kept talking baeddelist talking points and thus it spread like wildfire.

Today, “baeddelism” fell out of use since the original group has been long gone, but its ideas never went away. It's just they are now more known as TIRF ideology, as.. is it really that different from TERFs? Not really.

It's all radical feminism that is grounded in hatred of men and masculinity, just remapped outside of the cis society.

Baeddelism/TIRFism on Fediverse

I have seen a non-zero amount of encounters where a transfemme user goes onto a transmasc's vent post and makes it all about herself. I have seen a non-zero amount of “I hope you die” replies when TIRF beliefs are pointed out by a transmasc guy.

It should have never happened — this is, once again, a proof of how transmasc struggles are downplayed or even straight up ignored.

It's all radfem shit over again. The belief that should've died already years ago is still well and alive in (not all of!) Fedi's transfemme community; even if they refuse to admit so or aren't aware of it. But it is not our job to unpack it for them. We as transmascs can only encourage trans women to unpack the internalized radfem garbage and educate on it, but we cannot do the unpacking for them.

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A less aggressive but still hostile example of TIRFism, albeit more thickly veiled is how transmascs are well liked and cherished as long as they are feminine. The moment they go on T, start being actually masculine (as opposed to the femboy archetype); they are no longer welcome and needed.

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If Fedi doesn't have a transandrophobia problem, then where are spaces for transmasculine people? There is a lot of transfemme-focused spaces (good for you!), why can't we have the same thing?

Cause it will meet the same fate as transmas.cyou? Cause, maybe, this will only make transandrophobia worse?

Because it then would be a way better target for those who dedicate their online presence to TIRF garbage. It's common on certain Fediverse instances to smear and trash on transmascs, and you will even get cheered on for doing so. (and you know who I am talking about.)

There's no queer community if y'all don't include trans men and transmasculine people on it. Transfemmes aren't the only ones who are part of the “trans”, you know. If you say “trans”, include transfemmes, transmascs, transneutrals — the entire fucking umbrella of transness.

That should go without saying, but I know there will be an amount of bad-faithers among readers who will try to tell me I am trying to say all transfemmes are TIRFs or that somehow I'm transmisogynist. Pointing out flaws is not transmisogynist and if you have to take only one thing of it, then take the following:

Everyone is capable of holding radfem beliefs, you dipshit. It comes free with living in a society poisoned by said garbage mostly thanks to TERFs.

And it's our collective job to clean our yards from radfem shit. Including transfemmes. Was I not clear enough when I said everyone is capable of it?

If your takeaway is that I am trying hard at transmisogyny, take a break and re-read it. Rinse and repeat that until you understand what is this post about.

Acknowledging transandrophobia is not transmisogynist, and acknowledging transmisogyny is not transandrophobic.

Pointing out transfemmes are capable of transandrophobia is not transmisogynist, nor the other way.

We should be working together to remove both (and more) flavors of transphobia. However with the Tumblr exodus (do I have to remind where did TIRF originate from?) it may be difficult, as many people are eager to carry over the hostility and transandrophobia from their hellsite to here.

Do your work and get your shit together.

I shouldn't be making these disclaimers, but knowing how vile Fedi can be, I have to.

Go and harass me. cya.