I get really stuck on certain people and things. It's like I get this sudden vision of everything finally being eternally still and blissful, and even though I always know on some level that's not how things work, the overwhelming power of the image takes over my rational & mindful thoughts like some super fucked curse (please I beg you just give me like 3 days of bad luck or something). It makes me wonder if I haven't healed from lots of things yet. Like, why does getting basic attention from certain friends or crushes feel like literal heaven-on-earth, and why am I so fucking desperate for it? Are my needs that unmet? What have I been doing? It makes me feel fucking gross and I want my brain to cut it out.