I was forged in the fires of ambition
And I will drown in an ocean of my pride
When I take that unplugged mic and stand up on that empty stage
I'll throb with avarice and indolence and innocence and rage
Who am I if not a sinner, not a savage, not a sage?
Just another dead thing walking at your side
My art is anaerobic and it burns beneath the light
My vision's hyperopic, out of mind and sight
I've got Shaolin on my left side and Charybdis to my right
My future's buzzing clean fluorescent white
My insides on the outside, now my gut is spilling rot
I'm Roland Barthes, I'll kill the goose, I'm perishing the thought; that is,
That that is is that that is not is not
Is that it? Is that all that this is?
Well, Connie left the house one evening, ‘74
She was fifty years old when she walked out the door
And this empty fucking planet does me no good anymore
I want to disappear, I want to disappear, I want to disappear
Oh, ooh-oh-oh, you’ve lived a life now
And I’m sure you’ll die a very pretty death as well
The sky displayed a dismal gray, Mount Rubidoux, the other day
The colors fade, the colors fade, Lake Arrowhead, A Perfect Day
I cannot leave, I cannot stay
The sky just screams and falls away
God knows if I knew God could pray,
I wouldn’t wish another day of this
Oh, but Leelah wasn’t free, (k)no(w), it gets better, it gets better, it gets better, it gets better, it gets better
#lyrics
I want to know somebody
But I can’t know everybody
I would love anybody
But I don’t love anybody
I never learned how
But maybe that’s a lie
Maybe I have to know myself
Or I need to love myself or something
But the world hasn’t convinced me of anything yet
And we all die way too young
To be stuck here for so long
I wouldn’t change anything if I had the chance though
Because I think I deserved this somehow
#poetry
Comprehend this...
whether you believe it or not:
The first thing
you will learn
after your last breath is that
You are still alive.
#poetry
I've been thinking about the time in 3rd or 4th or maybe 5th grade around the election it was that they led all us into the Computer Lab which was what they called the room with all the big old dusty Windows desktops
And they told us that we could click on 1 of the 2 pictures of stuffy-looking people in expensive-looking clothes and that our choice could change the world we were convinced and well clearly that was a lie
And they taught us that a man once rode through the streets with a lamp and yelled that the Redcoats Were Coming and that this was what we needed to be proud of we checked off a box to tell them we understood well not understood but believed them
And that a glass of lemonade would be worth more to someone dying in the desert it seems funny that we’re busy jacking up the price instead of helping them it’s so cruel figuring exactly how much more for much less but “so it goes” — Vonnegut
And that ‘test’ they give everyone that isn’t really a test they tell you to read all the directions carefully and the last direction is to do nothing at all I was very bad then I might be worse now I thought I was more important than everyone I annoyed the teachers I wish I hadn’t
And I don’t understand anything better now everything I learn just makes me more confused and scared who can I trust nobody now nobody before either we’re all scared I guess we fake it till we die but God I hate people who hurt people sometimes I want to scream
Once you told me the plastic skeleton in your basement was real. I believed you
#poetry
mesperyiantikythereallignmenticidealismaticarus
#poetry
if there’s a devil he’ll have a hell of a time building a worse existence than I’ve done myself,
but if there’s a god heaven knows he was right to put me here.
and I think there should be a drug that you can take to make your back hurt and your eyes ache
so at least when you suffer your body does too.
and there needs to be a pill you can swallow so you don’t sleep for days and I know that I can’t
wallow in these awful awful thoughts forever but damn I wish I could.
#poetry
The hands of time would sooner wring your neck
Than grant even a second of respite
From nightmares in a dream that never ends
And gently send you home without a fight
#poetry
And here you stand alone, alone
Alone in wreaths of red and white
White roses frame the mountaintops
With riding sweeps and chimney crops
“And then, and then, I saw the light
O, father, mother, how I saw
A fleeting light between your eyes”
Good Shepards would intone
#poetry
I
Hope
Packrat
I like you
I’m nothing like you
What if this is all, anyways
says ‘Thank God that Nietzche was right.’ Marquee of our face,
Triskaidekaphilia, probably terminal. Knock on wood that hell is warmer
With hand on heart and muffled oar, silently rowing the Charleston shore; write either/or. We’ve certainly been here before, abhorring moorings
And I hope for your sake we crumble and fall brings past winter and spring the hull tear it to peace on earth and Westboro says He doesn’t hesitate so what if we did well you’d finally be dealt with properly and you and you and I hope
#poetry
won't you come back inside dear
i picked these just for you
(cremated. bones. investigate. prove.)
i met a traveller from an antique land
(in xanadu did kubla khan)
of black sweet mouthfuls
i, the cauldron of mourning
it has the largest unbranched inflorescence in the world.
.
.
.
.
.
…
Wretched soul.
(My room is full is full of)
Rat man. Rats rats rats rats rats rats ra
(I can’t believe)
i don’t believe
((.i cant believe what i have done