Yesterday I had one of my least favorite dreams (they repeat with variations). I was taking a nap. Having extremely stressful dreams, is that helpful or not? This dream is in the “singing” and performing category In this category many things can happen, but most often I cannot sing I will not remember the words and we can’t find or print them online I cannot sing- I sound bad I try to write songs with Mark and even though the studio is great lots of weird, old equipment to try out, even though I thought our new song sounded cool, at least worth having fun with and sharing after recording, I show up at our gig at some venue, people are there, but Mark can’t be found And I realize he doesn’t want to perform, especially our new song (lol) which, like I said, I thought was worth something, maybe not great singing but kind of cute punk rock, a catchy line or two but then I talk to Shezronne, Shez, my old bestie from around 6-7th grade-senior year. I said, Shez, Did you like the song? My/our song? She said, honestly, no. What the fuck! right? This new song is not that bad, it’s worth performing. I said, well if we’re not performing this new song, I don’t want to perform the old songs either, and clearly Mark felt the same way, so the venue skipped our act and just had DJ’s. I can tell he doesn’t want to work with me anymore, he doesn’t think I’m good. See, I hate that. When my old high school friends say I can’t sing anymore, and they used to think I was the shit. They thought I could be a famous singer. That’s partly why I left home. Everyone said you have this talent. But now I’m mid-40’s, and I started smoking, see, and I continued it. Like Tom Petty, Like Aretha Franklin, (okay not that great) but even as that great of a singer, the misery is momentarily cured with a headrush/loss of oxygten, inhalation of smoke. And singers smoke, including Bonnie Raitt. Even Rihanna (at least smokes weed). I started in college, on a regular basis. Even now, it seems unreal. Me, a smoker? You wouldn’t have thought. I was athletically and achievementishly oriented in high school and most of college.
Well, in most dreams nowadays, I sing in front of an audience that doesn’t clap. They literally don’t, (how rude), at least I tried! A lot of things have changed since 1997! My voice wasn’t the highest priority. Also, I can still sing, so fuck you, dream. I’m still the best mimic and original melody creator other than super great song writers who also smoked and died. So what have you say to that, uh uh, nothin’, that’s what I thought.