Today I have to chance to make up for last week during the Green Party, being rude and inappropriate in the chat I can act normal for an hour or so, but it’s so boring It’s so so boring. All the minutes, the notes, the agenda, the procedures I don’t enjoy these things at all. I also don’t want to 1) call anyone because I wouldn’t want someone to call me 2) knock on anyone’s door (same reason) 3) ask for a signature (same reason)
I don’t want to do the boring stuff at all but I won’t drop out, because what else is there??? I KNOW that this is the real work, the groundwork, the footsteps and these things need to be done in any system especially politics Someone has to figure out the details!?
I don’t want to, but i keep feeling there is something i will want to do
mostly I just don’t want to be alone
and these are friends that won’t offend me
and many of them are comrades
and they’re better potential friends than anywhere else
i might meet people like church (fuck no), the bar (no)
work (no)
So i’m showing up for friendship.
they don’t need to know that
plus i’m not doing that great so far at it
keep getting bored and impatient or leaving
or getting too drunk or falling asleep
My real leadership style is dictatorial in my classroom, i’m the top boss of all bosses if i don’t wanna talk about it, the convo is over if the answer is no, talk to the hand i can do whatever i want, and don’t have to explain it but i’m always trying to make everyone happy at once this is my vision, the one they have to submit to because my brain is the handler and sorter of feelings and desires in the room, for adults and kids i almost always decide to make other adults happy and all the kids happy but when i decide not to, that is also that So what’s this about the democracy etc.?
Sometimes I take a vote, and then I don’t honor it I change my mind because I wanted the thing that lost so i’m a bad person for green party politics long story short and this is because i trust myself the most and can’t really commit to anything like opinions, mine keep changing