Snapshot from the Hidden World of Residential Schools for Boys
Gary balls up his fists, gestures toward me, “Ouu! I’ve been Wanting to punch you for so long!”
I hide my laughter. Gary big mad. I’m truly a psycho for enjoying setting the boundaries And watching him melt down like the evil witch of the West, I’m melting, I’m melting! I enjoy Moments like that, and seeing him escorted from Our classroom. You’re not going to ruin everything For everyone, not even ruin today for me I don’t know what you’ve seen at home But this is a program and it runs a certain way You’re not the boss here, and I’m not your bitch
I like Gary. I think he’s verbally/conceptually gifted (Asbergers type A). He asks truly original and apt/insightful questions He believes he’s my “favorite student,” facts, he said that *Again I hid my laughter. My FAVORITE STUDENT BRO? Try The most unpleasant person I've met, child or adult You never stop, Gary. You never shut up. You can’t. Your driven to quell your anxiety by externalizing it. I feel like, I know I can save him. He’s already saved.
He’s so lucky he landed in my playground. It’s really the last/only chance, and I think he’ll take it. Or maybe not. Maybe he’ll really become JACK OF THE SHINING. Today I said that similarity, and Gary said, Does he die? I said no, he kills everybody. Then I pretended an evil, villain laughter. See, I’m not in denial. Gary said, Good!
He almost reminds me of JD Vance, physically and emotionally/energetically— also, maybe, a tiny doll of myself, with his hyper-thinking, impulsive blurting, comments and questions about everything. This is what I told his mother, who told him that he’s my “favorite.” He’s curious. He’s honest. He’s Asbergers af. He’s insightful, it’s all timing His mother loves him. He’ll go home. His parents are engineers, of course they are. They support him But couldn’t live with him— THAT unpleasant of a child
a lot of families have children like this: They are ruining *the family They endup the center of attention, fire after fire Putting out fires, the siblings feel stifled, ignored, insignificant At school, teachers start sending home red flags: This child cannot do the school drill, no matter what we try.
After 2-3 schools, the kids get sent to us. If you’re sent to us, that means nobody can fuck wy anymore You did way too much, for much too long, and this is what I told Gary, today:
You are NOT the only person here, in this room In this class right now, and you are NOT ANYMORE IMPORTANT Than ANYONE ELSE. So sit down, and be quiet. And guess what? He did. He now wants my approval. Because the kid wants to learn. I hope he makes it to society, And doesn’t get culled. This one has potential.
But he’s also such a bully… wants to pass on his self-loathing But I love my job of blocking his ambition. Also today, after another Asbergers student asked me the same question For the 30th time, (CAN HE WATCH CHAPTER 5 OF POPPY’S PLAYHOUSE HORROR GAME), or use the tape/sissors to create 3-D figurines (Rather than participate in class/schoolwork), I said, flatly, “What’s actually horrific is that this is the 30th time you asked the same question question, and I answered it already at least 10 times. Stop.”
At lunch I was trying to discuss an issue with my teammates At the “staff table” in the cafeteria and Gary kept saying my Name, asking annoying, purposefully attention seeking questions with known and obvious answers and I yelled,
“God DAMN… DARNIT! STOP SAYING MY NAME AND LET ME EAT AND TALK TO ADULTS!”
Then I said to a teammate, who had recently claimed we have to nicey-nice
talk all these kids all the time, I said, “How was my tone there? Was it good?”
And that let my team laugh, about our tension lately, and all the stress.
Because my tone was obviously brutal. But guess what? the kids accepted
It. Because I almost never yell, when I yell (and swear) it’s like whoa.
I hope. And I tryyyyy not to. lunch is hard, when you want them to
shut the fuck up all the way, but they STILL want our attention. Incredible.