Martinez was on one today and so were other people. Maybe because the change of seasons and impending Easter visit home that most of them have planned. They act out around the visits. Conflicted in all that. So I think that’s what we’re seeing? But my “perfect angel” turned into “pissy angel” at math time, and he attacked staff (so I heard) in the gym and was restrained and that supine lasted like 20 minutes at least, at LEAST.
They were right outside our classroom doors. We heard him being obnoxious the whole time. He pissed himself so that it would be in someone’s face (the person holding down his legs). He begged other students walking by to “be bad” with him. I have barely ever seen this side of him. Misogynistic bratty, endless. He made it back to the classroom but escalated as soon as he asked for a break and I said no? Why did I say no? Because he just fucking came in, the hell you need a break for? He claimed he hates math. Alternate personality.. so, Pissy Angel I want nothing to do with.

Desmond is the tallest (6’2 at 16 years) and our newest students, he keeps rocking then moving then throwing his entire metal/plywood/screws desk I guess that’s his thing (very startling and unsafe). When something happens, I always yell, usually cuss like NO! DAMN! and the desk flew apart of itself with a crash bang. Desmond hasn’t accepting or adjusted to my/our expectations yet. But he will. They have to give up, in a way, first. Admit they’re not in control.

In our classroom, we do the thing where we verbally praise everyone doing the right thing, and give them the most attention, as long as possible.
This is what they say to do (ABA folks) and it seems to work. I can’t believe how quickly kids get to work when I praise one or two that’s following directions. It works unless the kid is on an irrational ride that doesn’t match current events. Then nothing you say can land on the right spot.

When he didn’t get the daily reward, Desmond argued, he said, “All I did was have a little blip! (throwing your whole desk!?). And I’m mad, what can you expect!?” I said IT WAS NOT OKAY WITH ME. WE DON’T DO THAT HERE. NO ONE HERE DOES THAT. IT IS NOT A LITTLE BLIP. They all avoid taking responsibility. Once they realize, like Oh Yeah, I did kind of fuck up there, I wasn’t exactly safe there, then they're willing to consider making a safety plan for next time they get mad or triggered.
And then for however many years necessary we practice using the plan, we finetune the plan, until we can handle rejection, losing a competition, not getting our way, following directions, receiving critical feedback without attacking anyone and until we stop trying to get something we want, including both escape, and positive and negative attention by threatening and manipulating people.

It starts today, Desmond, X, Martinez. It’s your safety plan or nothing, in our playground today, in our hell-spot on earth.
I feel strict about this, but also flexible, ultimately. Other adults are going to say and do shit I don’t agree with, and vice versa, and they’re not going to get fired, and neither am I, because we’re understaffed, so it’s no use complaining to anyone, or arguing, so it’s “time to use our coping skills.”

Desmond yelling, “I don’t have any!” or “[The thing I want] is my coping skill!” (It’s not, if it’s your phone, a video game, or access to specific items that aren’t available everywhere).

For so many kids, playing with a ball is the number one thing that helps. For the other ones, drawing, music, and art. But don’t give them their preferred/reward type thing as a “coping skills.” An mp3 player or technology itself isn’t a coping skill and demanding one won’t help you (kids) at all. Of course weshould take a deep breath, but no one wants to. If they do, they’ll get praise, attention, and a sticker, small toy, or piece of candy.

Kids start asking about their daily reward near the end of the day. Did I earn one? I want this and I want that. For today it was, Do you think you earned one? X said, nah. “Thank you for accepting that. We’ll try again tomorrow.” But Desmond said, “Why not?” he demanded, indignantly. “Let’s just try again tomorrow, buddy,” before he starts on a rampage again. If they’re calm, I might ask, “Do you remember what happened after lunch?”

This afternoon, I took two kids to the bathroom, and when we got there, X, one of my favorite students, cutie pie, sweetheart (we all love him) looks at me and said, “Get away.” I averted my eyes downward and walked a few yards away toward the windows. But he followed me, sliding along the wall opposite of me. (X is EXTREMELY psychotic, even on lots and lots of medication). So, I was practicing de-escalation with body language, and I looked away, outside at the back yard, grass and blue sky. When I turned back, he was gone, and the other kid, Charles, was coming out of the bathroom. I said, but where’d X go? We checked the bathrooms, and figured he ran back to the gym, which he can reach because they never fix the lock on the door the kids always bust out of to leave “area.” They can’t really get that far- def can’t get to outside.

So Charles and I headed back to our classroom (I love Charles, too), and when we arrived, asking, “Did X come back?” Is he here? they looked at us with straight/serious faces and said, he did it again, he broke the computer. He had smashed the computer monitor for the 3rd time (he also broke the large screen TV before we got a new one in thick plastic case). My desk was a mess. So he had ran straight back to class and done it. Why?? I thought, then I asked, and was it perhaps because I set Cori’s paper figurines on top of the paper rectangular cube prism that X had given me the day before? Before we went to the bathroom, he had knocked it off my desk onto the ground. We made him pick it up. That could be it? But you never know, with someone holding like 99 personalities, all of them trying to come out. I couldn’t believe how fast they replaced our computer monitor. Like within 2 hours! In the past, this has taken much longer. When students break your computer in these settings, usually admin does a couple things: blame you, (how could you let your kids smash your laptop don’t you know not to have it out during class?) punishment of not having a computer follows that. or 2) stall to see if you’ll even be there in 6 months because if you quit, giving you new hardware isn’t worth it.

When I.T. brought in the new (to us) monitor, my student said with a rich, low mellow voice, BREAK THE COMPUTER My teammate Mary said oh no, oh no no. Let’s keep this one, or something. I’ll say it again. I love this kid. He could smash a million computer monitors and I’d never think less of him. He’s also maniacally obsessed with scary things, and probably witnessed his family being killed as a toddler. When he looks mad, he looks VERY scary. “Fix your face, damn.” we say. Don’t look like that. Nobody will want you in their group home. He gives us his most winning smile. They replaced the crown on his tooth today, actually, before school, but most likely he’ll pick it back off (the 600 dollar crown) with a sharp pencil, like he did the last two times. That’s what really bothers me, that we can’t make sure his teeth are okay. So he can bite more people, whatever and wherever his future may bring him. Just kidding. Watch yourself, though. Behind the smile is extreme madness. I wish we could protect him forever.

Martinez kept telling me and Mary, “I hate you. I’m gonna kill you! Go kill yourself” He probably told us both like 30 times each. We ignored all of it. I was much more therapeutic today. But I also barely taught any academics Shit was popping off too much for me to do more than read our book aloud and make them count by 10’s. I was glad I got Martinez to focus on me rather than than torment Ms. Mary. Every time he says it, she wants to cry. To me, I want to laugh. We have very different traumatic reactions. I just repeated things with Martinez today that he said, trying to validate He still yelled and stomped around, but I can tell our rapport is still solid.