Man, today was a hard day! See, anybody can crash out on this job. The behavioral therapist with us for the day was crying all day! Old timers are like, why though Today not worth crying about but it can be if you’re soft or scared of something someone could say. I’ve heard it all, now. I live for this shit. Not completely. I live for my own, and other things, too, but I honestly like the drama.
I have some (nagging) doubt about my responses to Martinez’ behavior day, like (I’ve been fired for not begging forgiveness for similar losing my patience moments) but I don’t think I will, here, because people only seem get fired for fraud. The cleaning lady was accosted by a high flyer in the hallway, he tried to hug her (this is his Modus Operandi) and since she resisted it, he spit on her, and she slapped him across the face! She got suspended. People said she should be fired, but I didn’t think so. They’re not trained for that. Spitting is germ warfare. The first few times he did it to me, I said, no no I don’t want it! No hug! No thank you! And I tried to get away from him. He didn’t spit it me but he started calling me “that mean girl.”
Which reminds of how today started, Martinez blowing and flicking
his boogers all over
my personal space area at my desk which is marked with red tape.
I said, ew that’s disgusting, Get away from my area, outside that red tape
and even more disgusted commentary.
Usually I say, “Do you need a tissue buddy?” Of course,
He was belligerent all day, and not towards Ms. Mary, he hardly noticed her,
because I was being hard on him, being blunt, saying I’m tired of
you asking about food. Don’t ask anymore. There’s nothing back here for you (he was trying to push past me to this snack drawer that was empty.
Yes, bad cop in full force. I didn’t baby him. I wasn’t therapeutic. I was confrontational and rude and everything I said escalated him.
And I said I’m getting annoyed and then angry about this, to him.
Because he’s holding the whole class hostage right now
He’s demanding food every 10 minutes, and either getting it, or if not,
asking about his favorite activities, and it’s not time for them yet,
or biggest of all, he can’t go walk in the gym because other kids are
(even more) escalated than he is out there. And he’s one of the kids who
tries to “take a break” when they hear shit happening out there, knowingt
damn well if they go out they’ll get into a fight with that person or
get more upset, the opposite of what we need to do.
So Erik was out there this morning, like a moose on cocaine, roaring mad about something a kid in my class had done in the morning. I didn’t figure that out for a while (that my perfect angel had started it), I’m like, “Why’s he yelling your name out there?” So we were saying no to break requests, but one of them went out anyway. And he got beat up. But the other kid got restrained, who beat him up. I was glad he got beat up by that kid, who’s half his size. I knew he wasn’t a fighter. Most of our kids aren’t. But that kid is. In the room, Martinez was starting in on me. Then we decide it’s better for him to leave (and probably get in a fight) then keep instigating everyone in the classroom- and one of our kids beat him up. He mostly kept threatening me, but like I said, I was on the IDGAF bad-cop mode, and I just said straight up, I’m not playing with you today. Stop or I’ll have you escorted. Then I had him escorted. They keep bringing him back and he keeps escalating. He tries to hold the door open, won’t go in or out and that’s the worst because then we hear all the swearing, crying, screaming, basketballs bouncing, etc. in the gym, and we can’t do class.
So I was like for about 10 minutes actually, it’s coming back to me now,
but then I ran out of patience. When he spit at me, I said, he gotta go-
that is germ warfare, also the boogers he threatened me with.
When he started telling me he was going to kill me I said, well go out
in the gym, and plan how you’re gonna do it. Then you can come back and try.
He looked confused, but I knew I was losing it. Later he walked up to me
and said FUCK YOU with his middle finger in my face and I pointed back at him
with my pointer and said, Right back atcha. That’s why I’m going to enjoy
when you get none of the prizes or treats later. You’ll care then.
No I won’t! He made his way into another classroom and stole their ipad
and we saw him walking in the gym with it, We thought they gave
it to him, and let him in, but they said it was an accident.
Some of these kids are not improving in our care, and he’s a main one.
I might’ve ruined my rapport with him today, but I couldn’t play nicey
nice with him any more. You’re talking big kid, you want to kill me?
Then try. Let’s do that then. You try to kill me, and see what happens.
See, I’ve had students who wanted to kill me and were capable of it, and made many attempts during the school year? Did they kill me? No, they got escorted and restrained, or I kicked them when they jumped at me or trip them and they fucked themselves up, one way or another So these kids, with half the IQ of my Young Bullies classroom, can barely catch me running, not prone to making weapons, yeah so that’s nothing. It’s almost fun, it’s almost funny. But it’s also enough. There’s a time and place for everything. Even poop parties. Some of my students are being good in school and I find out they spread shit everywhere in the shared bathroom at home. Like, ew, why. I’m not cut out for dealing with that. That’s germ warfare and I’ve never been suicidal, really ever. I wanted to be perfect before, and felt like I shouldn’t exist if I wasn’t perfect, but overall that was the feeling of shame, which doesn’t last forever, if you start weeding your garden.