James Schroeder Last night, my dreams took me to such a sweet place. All the way back to the 90s and falling in love with James
It was just like back then. It was so vivid. The dream started out as this stream usually does where I’m in the downstairs of James old house, except it’s a little different of course. This is the dream version. I’ve went back there before and always found myself in the way.
But this time I was going back for James 100% and everyone knew it. So he came downstairs. And the kiss was like a slow motion movie kiss like a passionate close mouth half open mouth kiss.
We were 14 when this happened.
I wish I could remember more. Even in this dream, my mom saw us together and just nodded, nobody was mad.
I wondered briefly, can I really trust what’s inside his mind since he’s so quiet can I trust that? I really love him?
I let myself love him so beautiful. Mixed race, boy in adolescence, still playful, still skinny, a tall flat top of tight curly hair. The eyes.
I was contributing food to the household, which I didn’t pass dreams but this time I went all out and people were grateful.
There are always kids coming and going. The door is always open to the neighborhood kids.
I was a neighborhood kid.
At the end of the dream I was looking for a class I’m taking in the dream with gospel singing, which is something I did a lot in the 90s. James dropped me off at the class while I figured out if it’s the right one and then on second thought, I looked back and invited him. He already wasn’t him anymore. But I thought to myself, I shouldn’t be embarrassed, singing is fun for everyone. Maybe they never got the chance to do it. They declined.
In real life one time James came to my church. It was park ave in Minneapolis. It’s very famous. And I was in the gospel choir singing. And he was in the balcony watching us, but he was so tired. He fell over and asleep. I was pissed off that he thought so little of my treasured activity so on a high horse, I went up there and slapped his cheek to wake him up. I was really angry, so that was a really bad thing to do.
I thought we broke up soon after that because I didn’t believe he loved me anymore. It took a couple years to get over it. He got over it right away and started having kids.
And he’s still with that same woman. He wanted to start making a family with me when I was 14 but I definitely wasn’t ready, but I did love him.