Giving Lorenzo a Bath
In his life, nobody ever washed his crevices, bits, and parts
I got to some of the crevices with soap, and a long-handled loofah
The first time I washed between the butt cheeks, he said, Oh! and Whoa!
and seemed happy. Lorenzo communicates using scripts and by pulling you toward what he needs. When Lorenzo talks freely, it is an semi-word salad
Lorenzo is 22.
I’ve been caring for him for a couple years, but lately I started to feel about not getting the soap to the hidden areas. That’s how the family showed me to do it, but I’ve bathed and I bathe other people, and we’re supposed to wash the private parts.
Lorenzo is used to someone wiping his butt with wet wipes after he poops.
Lorenzo sits down to pee. Lorenzo doesn’t not express any sexuality, which is likely due to the intensity and schedule of medications he’s on, to manage anxiety, seizures, and self injurious behavior that looks like a tantrum
Lorenzo used to show humping behavior as a young teen (he violated his pillows), but not any more. Lots of people with low IQ and non-verbal Autism are still sexual. On the unit and in classes, there’s always one or two students that regularly take it out and get the “that’s a private thing” talk. You don’t do it in public, my friend.
Lorenzo doesn’t do it at all. Judging from the odd way he washes his hands, I don’t think he could help himself in that way.
So I’ve been washing everything but the penis, but I felt bad, because I’m pretty sure they need to be washed. I asked a nurse friend and she said You have to do it. You just tell them, and go slow, be gentle.
I think I was gentle, but Lorenzo let out an immature sob, not a happy sound, like boo hoo hoo. And the rest of the day he looked at me differently, like YOU’RE THE ONE WHO did that thing.
Was something different? I asked. I did something different, right?
Are you okay? Is it okay?
I dried him all the way off with the towel. His family would dress him still dripping wet, which is uncomfortable, right? Dry them off.
I’ve been running the towel along the inner thigh, pushing the boundaries of what has been done, for weeks. But today I decided to wash the penis, and I feel like I broke his heart. He looked forlorn and anxious afterwards, and couldn’t settle on an activity. Then he said to me, I’m SORRY! Which is a prompt for me to say it back, so I did. I’m sorry!
I AM sorry if I destroyed his world by washing his penis with soap.
And now I don’t know what to do.