A Very Windy Day
Today my teammate had a seizure in class with students there I’m oddly good at spotting people having seizures. This is At least the 3rd one I’ve called. One time, a student tricked Me, and faked a seizure, and we sent her off in an ambulance Better safe than sorry, and I wasn’t mad at her like everyone else.
My teammate today, she has a seizure disorder and life full of pain She has PTSD, and a host of physical situations, and personal situations I couldn’t tell at first if she was having a panic attack or seizing.
Last year when the Russian boy seized, I called it, and everyone came to our room. Too many people, all three nurses working the shift, because Everyone liked that kid. But today, only one nurse came, and not quickly. I was a little panicked. I said, Should I call 911, and a student yelled YES! SO I did. But I didn’t hear anyone answer at 911, so I returned to helping My teammate. I thought, let me show the kids how to care for someone and prioritize their health. My other teammates thought she was begging for more attention, because she always wants to confide about her feelings Fears and pain. I’m mostly attentive, because I like “easy” confidence connections Possible when people have low boundaries, those are my “people.” But in the past, I told this teammate, “I can’t talk right now— I have to prepare for the Day.” And she started verbally aggressing me about it, using hostile Jokes, and probing for me to apologize. She said she felt I ATTACKED HER. BECAUSE I SAID TO AN ADULT, Can you please tell me the story/issue later? She’s not a rational person, and is also insecurity to paranoia. She always thinks she’s going to be fired.
Today, my bosses came, and they were mad/annoyed that the police had Arrived, because I called 911. The first boss came and said, they had contacted the school, and was everything ok? She had explained it was “just a staff medical issue,” and sent them away. Then my other, more direct boss came and said, YOU GO TALK TO THE POLICE! THEY’RE HERE! And I had ALREADY gotten in trouble earlier about including an outside- service provider (physical therapist) on an email that including dirty company laundry, telling a story about a kid I was advocating for, and Never thought: wait, how might this get our school in trouble? What if the other person childlines claiming neglect, etc.? So she had begged me (nice about it, at least) to run all emails by her before sending them When issues arise, as they will. Because I don’t think in HR, PR mode. So I said I was sorry and agreed to it and went back to my class, Feeling a little dazed, because *getting in trouble, for ANYTHING is Triggering as hell. It’s hard to accept. I’m good at it now, but I wasn’t before.
I had to have things go wrong in so many ways among trying to work as a team and with supervisors, bosses, leaders, teachers So many communication that took a nose dive, crunched into asphalt Like the accordian car in the 4-car collision I saw Thursday on 79 south. This title cannot be reconstructed, the conversation/collaboration is Kaput beyond repair. Too much triggering communication. I got un Professional. And so “staying professional” is a high goal for me. And I’ve been doing great. Yesterday a coworker came and YELLED at me and my entire class, while being MISTAKEN about the issue, And talked OVER ME, and God Bless Hamas, I didn’t even blink. That’s my a teammate told me, it was amazing how I didn’t react To obvious disrespect by a peer. I made space for her rant, and even let her yell at my student. But I complained later, and THAT’S the email that landed me in HR. For including the outside agency on The email… The damn emails. Things sound great till they’re received. I thought I had checked off something on my to-do list when I sent it.
So back to the seizure. I was already distracted by the triggering sit down with my boss, then I see my teammate having a seizure, and barely anyone in the building responds to it. My boss comes, yells at me to go talk to the police Who have already been sent away. And I helped my teammate try to contact her Family to come pick her up. I felt so bad for her :(. She’s too sick to work But she needs the money :(. That’s so fucked up.
Nobody could come get her, but I had to leave her side to return to my class, where they were still scared, saying Ms. Alice is a nice Lady, is she going to die? Is she okay? We said she’s fine. Then on her own, she came BACK TO THE ROOM. To “sit.”
Bro, I was ready to be done with the day at that moment (9:30 AM). Instead, we pushed through it, and had a decent day with most of the class, enjoying our break from student C, who’s behaviors Are so distracting, and attention requiring, that it disrupts everything We love when he lays down and takes a nap. And if you observed our Group for a few hours, you’d see why, and not worry about his “education.”
Eventually Alice’s husband or daughter came to pick her up.
There’s a student at our school who I do truly think Would be better off dead. He’s just so miserable, hateful, racist, He just wanders around with red eyes (not allergies, just misery) Throwing paper airplanes. And he targets black staff, and uses The most vile racial threats and insults to try to get them to Hurt him. Sometimes he screams for them to fight or restrain him. When baseline, he instigates conflicts among peers, at expert level He brings out the worst in them, and he loves it. This teenage boy Almost 18, is fully broken. He’s probably going to shoot up a black Church if he can, if he ever gets “out” of the system. I can’t Lost my clearances, I’m a teacher not a vigilante, but I see things And I think things. If anyone should be culled, it’s these Type of white boys with uncontainable, racialized rage. I told my coworker, if only the cameras would go off for A few minutes, she agreed, feeling that, but not a real wish, just “If we could really make the world better right now” type of feeling Also, no one should have to work with him, like that, he’s not trying He obviously wants to die. But maybe a couple ass whoopings Would really help. I usually don’t think so. But I think this type of Boy only listens to masculine, physical military discipline Has has no innate conscience or sense of connection with anyone
I’ve seen him smile on the basketball court, during better weather But smiling once and awhile doesn’t mean they wouldn’t or won’t kill everyone and not cry later about it. Never cry about it.